i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
