You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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