New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
