there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
