Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize