I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
