My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
