I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
