I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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