please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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