real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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