This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Oh god it's open bar.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
