...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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