So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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