so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
