Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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