is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
