last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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