It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
