So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
