I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
