how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
