My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
