Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize