just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
