Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
