Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
