if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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