Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
