someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
