I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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