My liver just broke up with me...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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