Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
