I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
