I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Alive.
So much puke
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
