Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
