butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
