I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
