Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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