My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Congratulations! We have a period
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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