i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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