to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
