did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
