we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
