I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize