So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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