Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
