You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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