...so i touched it.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize