I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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