You really coming over, don't trick.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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