Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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