Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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