Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
