I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
