I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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