That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize