i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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