my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
