youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
