True but thats because hes a fetus.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Terrible idea I love it
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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