If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
