I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Im part way to drunk.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
