Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize