I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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