i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize