I CAN MOONWALK!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
