Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize