peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
