I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
