there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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