; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
handjob tips. give me some.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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