She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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