he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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