What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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