bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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