try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
