I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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