He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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