Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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