I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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