You really coming over, don't trick.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize