I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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