apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
