oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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