we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize