Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
