i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
