The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
