New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
