my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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