You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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