Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
sex in a hospital.. check
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
