he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Help me help you realize you are a moron
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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