Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We don't watch enough power rangers
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
