I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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