after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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