that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
