Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
