I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize