just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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