Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
