The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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