god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
