Nicole vs. Life
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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