Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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