Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
