So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
