if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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