should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
