1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Princesses don't give blow jobs
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
