his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
