i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
