All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
