last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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