Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's official drugs can't kill me
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
