I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
